Prawns. Prawns everywhere.



Hello, readers. According to the polls, it's time for me to review District 9. This movie is awesome. This is an alien movie with an anti-apartheid message. Oh, and if you're wondering what apartheid is, it's the segregation of blacks and whites in South Africa until 1994. This movie is filmed in documentary form, using archived news footage and other things to tell the story of aliens whose ship breaks down above Johannesburg. The humans give the aliens a place to stay, but conditions are bad and the aliens have very little rights. As if things weren't bad enough in South Africa, the aliens (known as "prawns", because they look like prawns) make other people afraid, so there's more violence. Then, a government agency known as MNU, which is this movie's equivalent of the UN, starts evicting the prawns to District 9. The evictions are carried out by our main character/jerk, Wikus van de Merve, who finds prawn weapons that only work under prawn control. Christopher Johnson, a prawn, makes a canister of black liquid which explodes all over poor Wikus' face. Later, Wikus experiences a slow and gruesome transformation into a prawn. MNU uses him for weapons testing, which is a miserable existence. Lots of action ensues, and MNU agents get messed up. And since Wikus has been transforming, his transformation has progressed to stage hurry-up-and-get-that-bucket-over-there-BLAGHA.

This movie was really good. The public library should actually get credit for having this. In other words, if you haven't seen it, go "rent" it for free!

My score: 9/10





1984 was the most 80's year ever, apparently.

This man has clearly seen
something worth celebrating.

 

Hey guys, guess what? I'm going to review a movie that defines a large part of the 80s. You want to take a guess? If you said Breakin', you're obviously a time traveler who already read this and your guess doesn't count. First of all, let me just say that I like this movie a lot. Almost everything you've heard about or remember from the 80's is here in this movie. Awesome clothes, leg warmers, incredible breakdancing, leg warmers, and a dancing Jean-Claude Van Damme. This movie is about a jazz dancer, Kelly, who meets two breakdancers, Turbo and Ozone, who show her the awesome world of breakdancing. She gets breakdancing training from them and witnesses their feud with the crew Electro Rock, led by Poppin' Taco. Kelly becomes friends with Turbo and Ozone and everything seems pretty cool. But trouble comes up when Kelly's snobby dance instructor, Franco, has problems with Kelly's hybrid dancing style. However, popping and locking ensues and Franco is served. This isn't the kind of Academy Award winning film that has a deep message and stuff. The basic message is, "BREAKDANCING IS COOL!" This movie is known for it's dance scenes, like the battles between crews, Turbo's incredible broom dance, and more. This is a really fun movie and if you are like me in the fact that you appreciate breakdancing for being awesome, then you will love this movie. And if you want to delve deeper into hip hop culture, Beat Street is the movie for you. I got to give props  to my father of course, for recommending it. Thanks, Pop.

My score: 7.5/10
However, if you rate movies based on how "80's" they are, then it's like, 1984/1984.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0pKV4UOvgb8

I believe it was Socrates that said "Έχω ένα υπέροχο μούσι."

I have a wonderful beard.
Greetings ladies and gentlemen and Travis. Today I shall review The Last Exorcism. As you may have noticed, this was posted on a Tuesday, not a Wednesday. This is due to the requests I have been bombarded with since I considered reviewing it.

This is the tale of a pastor from Louisiana named Cotton, who has lost his faith in the power of exorcisms, believing them to be a psychological treatment as opposed to a religious thing. He gets an urgent request from a guy begging him to exorcise his daughter. Cotton accepts the request, and a film crew follows him to witness the exorcism.  At first, it gets eerie when things happen, but Cotton provides a logical explanation for everything. After that, it gets scary. The girl begins to do more unnatural things, and it is revealed that she is possessed by the demon Abalam, servant of Paimon, a king of Hell. They all get into a bunch of crazy shenanigans and end up at a cult meeting. Just like other movies before it, the movie is shot on a less expensive camera. Unlike some cheap camera movies, this one didn't make me dizzy. This movie was cool and I highly recommend it.

8/10



Now, here are some pictures.

An exorcism done right.



"I cannot believe that you got cat blood all over your nice clothes!"
"Don't fold yourself in half like that or you'll be stuck that way!"




 



http://www.angryalien.com/0204/exorcistbunnies.html



The guy dies at the end.

I have a competition for you, readers. Over the weekend, I watched a movie where the guy dies at the end. It got me thinking. A lot of movies end that way. Your job is to leave a comment about a movie you like where the guy dies at the end. Write a synopsis, don't forget to include in the synopsis the fact that the guy dies at the end. I will give you an example using a fake movie. You'll have to use a real one.

My movie is One Flew Over the Salesman's Death. It is a crossover between the play Death of a Salesman and the book One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. It stars Wesley Snipes as Willy Loman, a senile salesman/ black ops agent who is sent to a psych ward in Oregon. When he gets there, he meets R.P. McMurphy, a former demolitions expert, played by Ving Rhames. The two of them get into some action packed adventures and rebel against the Big Nurse, played by Danny Trejo. I like this movie a lot.

P.S. The guys die at the end.



Twilight ain't got nothing on this!



I knew I was going to have to do this sooner or later.

What's up, guys? I'm going to review a movie at the request of some people (you know who you are). Can you guess which one? If you guessed Twilight, you're right (and probably a girl). Get ready, because I'm about to dislike this movie until it cries.

Alright, in the movie Twilight, a girl named Bella Swan moves to Forks, Oregon Washington. For some reason, everything there is grey. She hates it there until she meets a dude named Cedric Diggory Edward Cullen. Edward is mysterious and lonely, which in this movie apparently makes you attractive, whereas in the real world, he'd get mugged. She basically chases him around until she finds out he's a vampire. Not just any vampire, but a sparkling vampire. His family lives off of deer blood and stuff, which is lame. Really lame.

Human blood. The breakfast of champions Christopher Lee.

Anyway, Edward's relatives, who are a smidgen cooler than Edward in the fact that they drink real blood, make the movie better when they try to eat Bella. Sadly, Edward thwarts their awesome plan by saving Bella. Aw man. Oh, one thing I don't get is the fact that Edward can suck the vampire venom out of Bella when she is bitten. I thought we were dealing with vampires, not snakes. Golly-gee, this movie is so lame in the fact that they try to change thousands of years of vampire tradition. You can't do that, Stephenie Meyer.
4/10, and that's being generous.

By the way, check out http://www.angryalien.com/aa/twilightbuns.asp. It's awesome.

Угадайте, что, товарищи? ФИЛЬМ ОБЗОР ТРОЙНОЙ ФУНКЦИЯ!!!

Today I will review three movies at once. And now, without further ado...

"I have a reasonable doubt."

                                         12 Angry Men (1957)

 Alright, in this movie, 12 angry men (see what I did there?) are deciding the fate of a Puerto Rican youth accused of stabbing his father. The entire movie takes place in one jury room. In this room, the men sit, 11 of them feel that the boy is guilty. But one man, Henry Fonda, has a reasonable doubt. As the movie goes on, the evidence is revealed, and opinions change. I don't want to reveal too much, so I'll stop here. It is a must-see. 10/10

                                                          

            One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975)

You may not know it, but this man is a rebellious rebel.

In this movie, Jack Nicholson is a brawling, fun loving guy who, in an effort to avoid the work farm, feigns insanity and is shipped off to a psychiatric ward ruled by the tyrannical Nurse Ratched, who never yells at or hits the patients, but is so... indifferent. She cares not about the happiness of the patients, but just that everything runs smoothly, like a machine. Anyway, Nicholson's character has fun with the patients, gambles with them for cigarettes, and rebels against Nurse Ratched. This movie is awesome, I loved it. 10/10

                                                                                                                                                           Paranormal Activity (2009)

In this movie, some newlyweds move into a house. Then, they encounter some paranormal activity (man, I'm on a roll!) and then it gets creepy. First, they're skeptical, then, it gets more and more severe.By the end, it's pretty scary. The movie is "Blair Witch" in a way because of the creepy documentary feel to it. I have to admit, I did jump maybe once. I'll give you the perfect setting for maximum movie experience.

"I want some lemons."

You will need:

• Dark. A lot of dark. Dim it down to where you say, "That's too dark." Then, make it darker.
• Friends (one sissy optional, but recommended)
• Fake knowledge of the supernatural, e.g. "Oh God. Demons always crave lemons."

Mix in one living room at around 75 degrees Fahrenheit. Let it sit in an even darker location for approximately 90 minutes. View and review credits (this is highly recommended for optimum laughter.) The next day, chat and enjoy. 7/10

Y'know...

Today I feel like reviewing not a motion picture, but a thespian. Indeed, his name is Michael Berryman. He was born with a condition that gave him a distinct appearance. Yes, this is him. He is known for playing the cannibal Pluto in Wes Craven's "The Hills Have Eyes", but he was also in "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" as Ellis, or, to people unfamiliar with character names, "that guy with the big head". He is not capable of growing hair or fingernails because of the aforementioned condition caused by the fact that his parents were doctors who had taken prescription drugs (for normal reasons), which resulted in him being really famous.

It's Monday.

I might as well tell all of you now. On Mondays, I review a bad movie. Wednesdays, any movie. Fridays, a great movie. Feel free to send movie review ideas. But please, nothing that's still in theaters. I'm not made of money. And it has to be in English. Oh, send me videos of any of you saying Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch at my YouTube account, which is kingbeefee. Winner can send me a review of a movie they saw, and I'll post it under whatever name they want. Don't forget to tell your friends that I'm awesome.